I Went To The Supermarket in My Wheelchair Alone

Feeling anxious.

What if all the pavements are not level?

What if there is something I cannot reach on the top shelf?

What if people get in my way?

What if people judge me?

These were all questions going through my mind this afternoon as I considered the simple task of going to the supermarket on my own for the first time in my wheelchair. It might not sound like a big deal, after all the supermarket is only five minutes away. But, it felt like a massive deal.

As an ambulant wheelchair user, I had nothing to worry about. Most of these issues can be solved by just getting out of my chair. But the looks of dismay, the shock, the shaking of heads, are enough to put me off getting up unless I absolutely have to.

My energy levels recently have been very low, so mobility aids have been my friend. This was something I needed to do, for my own well-being and freedom. It’s been building up for a while.

These are the conversations in our head that chronic illness sufferers do not often talk about. It is a secondary consequence of the illness, something that I never thought would be an issue when I purchased my wheelchair. The anxiety around using it, and the stress that comes as a price for freedom of movement.

After putting it off for a month, I finally did it today. I got in my wheelchair, stuck it in max speed mode and traversed my local supermarket. I encountered no issues, no unhelpful people and it all went smoothly. I felt triumphant on my way back home, my basket full of shopping.

When I came back I even felt confident enough to traverse the small bank up to my home, rather than go the long way round. This proved to be overconfident, as I slid back down backwards trying to style it out!

However, nothing can take away my achievement. Sometimes you have to celebrate the small wins, and today, that is mine.

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