Finding the Light in the Darkness of Chronic Illness
How chronic illness unexpectedly enhanced my life
I want to start this article with an obvious fact:
I do not think my illness has been a positive thing, and given the choice, I would have avoided it.
I write this at the beginning because, in this article, I am not going to focus on what my condition is or how it negatively affects my life. I often write about this, and you can find stories about those bad days on my profile. Although chronic illness has been a catastrophically negative force in my life and that of my family, I cannot deny that it has also brought unexpected benefits.
At first, I couldn’t see anything good about my illness. It stripped away everything about the life I had built. The routines, the purpose and the identity I had carefully cultivated. I grieved for the person I used to be and felt lost in an overwhelming sea of limitations. But somewhere in the midst of that darkness, something shifted. I cannot pinpoint a single moment of revelation, I had to work through my grief and loss first. However, I came to a slow realisation that I had two choices: to continue focussing on what I had lost or to find meaning in what remained.
At first, it was just small things — a quiet morning with my dogs, the joy of writing something that resonated with someone, and a deeper conversation with my family. Over time, these small moments became the foundation of a new perspective. Chronic illness is still a struggle, but it has also given me things I never expected. Here’s how it changed my life in ways I never saw coming.
Five Ways Chronic Illness Has Enhanced My Life
My Dogs Are Happier
Spending all day at home can be hard and lonely until I realised that it also meant my two little dogs have my company all day, every day. Hank, my Cavalier King Charles spaniel, is particularly pleased by this. He is especially needy, follows me nearly everywhere in the house, and looks very concerned every time I get up to go somewhere. He is always waiting for me outside the bathroom with big eyes, as if to say, “Why did you leave me?!”. If I am tired or feeling down, they both descend on me for cuddles.
I Have Found That I Am Creative
Before my illness, I had a busy job that I enjoyed. It fed my personality; I was one of those annoying ‘let's do that’ kind of people! I excelled at taking on tasks, assessing priorities and getting stuff done. As a professional, this was a great skill to have, but with little energy, I have had to evaluate my tendency to take things on.
I had never considered myself a creative person, but I have recently realised that chronic illness has changed that. Now, I write here on Medium, have self-published a novella, created a podcast, and even produced and presented a radio show — all from someone who, at times, has felt utterly useless. I have discovered a love for creative expression without needing an end goal or measurable success. I have turned into a creative powerhouse overnight, and now I can’t switch it off!
I Have Had to Re-prioritise My Life
Human interaction becomes essential when you are reduced to spending most of your time at home. The people we usually turn to first are family, and I have recently made a deliberate attempt to increase contact with them. It’s not that I did not want to previously, it's just that my interactions with them were previously borne out of need rather than with the intent of just spending time with them. Now, when we are together, I ensure I save enough energy for my visit, and I am wholly focused on them and their lives.
As a result, I feel more connected to them than ever. I have been able to offer help in ways I never did before, and I value these relationships more deeply.
My Relationships Are Stronger
This ties in with my last point but also applies to my immediate family. As a result of my enforced rest, I have been much more involved in my teen children's lives. Slowly but surely, as I emerged from grief, I found myself willingly embracing simple routines, like taking my children to school, organising their trips, and attending their events. This has resulted in us spending more time together, and our relationships have deepened.
Finding new ways to spend time together brings me joy, and I am acutely aware that I am creating memories that will last forever.
I Focus on the Minuscule
I rushed around, skimming the surface of life before I got ill. These days, I am constantly amazed by what life throws at me on a daily basis. When I finally stopped, I began to notice more and now I actively look for it. Just recently, I have marvelled at a bird that landed on our windowsill, enthusiastically studied a Tudor house that we passed in the car and appreciated the way the grass gathers around a tree trunk in our garden.
I have never felt more connected to the natural world. Slowing down has allowed me to see life rather than just live it.
Chronic illness is no joke or something to be taken lightly. A year ago, I could not have written this article,
but it proves that even in the bleakest situations, light and hope will always prevail.
If you are in that dark season of life, hold on — spring will come.